Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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