The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
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Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
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This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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