I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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