I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
