IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
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In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
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You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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