I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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