she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
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Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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