And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
