I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
