Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
