This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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