are you still at the devil's house?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
