overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
