the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
