Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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