Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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