You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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