I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
