i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I cut my penus on the lid.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My ATM looks so different sober.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
