So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
