p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
