She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
