Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
