Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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