If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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