He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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