I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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