Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
