i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I stole a fireplace last night.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
