How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
