Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
