i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
