Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you would pick up someone in the library
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
