So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
