I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
