Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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