she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
