Your mouth is God's brothel.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
