fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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