i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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