There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
