a queef is a wish your heart makes.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When did angry sex become our thing?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
