Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
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I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
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Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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