did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
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when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
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We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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