I wish I could teleport
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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