I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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