so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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