Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
