Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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