Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
