She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
