Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
