All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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