I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
