respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
