Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
