Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
