we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
