Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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