When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
