Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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