am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
