i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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