just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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