Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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