I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
