Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
