is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
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she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
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I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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