you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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